WHAT TO SAY (AND WHAT NOT TO SAY) TO SOMEONE WHO'S STRUGGLING

Someone you love is going through something hard, and you want to help. You've probably already noticed that most of the advice out there is either too vague ("just be there for them") or oddly clinical, neither of which tells you what to actually say when you're standing in front of them.

Here's something that might ease the pressure: you don't need the perfect words. You need presence, patience, and a willingness to listen more than you speak. That's usually more valuable than anything you could say.

Phrases That Tend to Help

These aren't scripts to recite. They're starting points that leave room for the other person to lead the conversation.

• "I'm here. You don't have to explain everything right now."
• "That sounds really hard. I'm glad you told me."
• "You don't have to have it figured out for me to support you."
• "What would help right now, even something small?"
• "You're not alone in this."

Notice that none of these try to fix anything. They simply make room for the person to feel less alone, which is often the most immediate need in a hard moment.

Phrases That Often Do More Harm Than Good

Most well-meaning comments that miss the mark do so because they try to shrink the moment, rush the timeline, or compare pain. A few to be mindful of:

• "Everything happens for a reason"
• "Others have it worse"
• "Just try to stay positive"
• "You'll be fine, don't worry"
• "Have you tried [a quick fix]?"

These comments usually come from a genuine place. But they can leave someone feeling like their experience needs to be minimized, resolved quickly, or hidden so it's easier for everyone else. A struggling person rarely needs their feelings edited down. They need them acknowledged.

Listening Is Usually More Important Than Talking

One of the most supportive things you can offer someone is simply the space to talk without being redirected toward a solution. Not every hard conversation needs an answer at the end of it. Sometimes the most helpful response is:

"Do you want me to just listen, or are you looking for ideas?"

This one question can relieve a lot of pressure, both for you and for them. It removes the guesswork, and it tells the other person that their preference matters more than your instinct to fix things.

You Don't Have to Understand Everything to Show Up

You may not fully understand what someone else is experiencing, whether it's anxiety, grief, burnout, or something else entirely. That's okay. You don't need to have lived through the exact same thing to support someone well. What matters more is your willingness to stay present without judgment, and your honesty when you don't know what to say.

It's completely acceptable to say, "I don't know exactly what to say, but I'm not going anywhere." That kind of honesty often means more than a perfectly worded response.

Respecting Their Privacy

Supporting someone doesn't mean pressing them for details they haven't offered. Let them share at their own pace. A gentle, open-ended question is usually enough: "I'm here whenever you want to talk about it, and I'm here if you don't." Never pressure someone to disclose more than they're ready to.

When Professional Support Matters

Being a caring presence is meaningful, but it isn't a substitute for professional care when someone needs it. If a loved one is dealing with an ongoing mental-health struggle, gently encouraging them to talk with a therapist, counselor, or doctor is one of the most supportive things you can do. You can be a comforting presence in someone's life without being their only source of support.

If you're ever concerned that someone may be in crisis or at risk of harming themselves, please encourage them to reach out to a mental health professional or a crisis line in their area right away, or help them contact one.

A Gentle Reminder

You don't need the right words to be a source of comfort. You need to show up, stay present, and remind the people you love that their experience matters and that support is available, from you and from others. Sometimes protecting someone's peace looks like simply sitting beside them while they carry something heavy.

Frequently Asked Questions

What should I say to someone who is struggling with anxiety?

Simple, non-judgmental language tends to help most: "I'm here," "That sounds hard," or "What would help right now?" Avoid minimizing their experience or offering quick fixes unless they ask for suggestions.

What should I avoid saying to someone who is going through a hard time?

Try to avoid comparisons ("others have it worse"), forced positivity ("just stay positive"), or comments that rush them toward feeling better. These can unintentionally make someone feel unseen.

How do I support someone without knowing exactly what they're going through?

You don't need to fully understand someone's experience to support them well. Presence, patience, and honesty go a long way. It's okay to say you don't have the perfect words, as long as you stay present.

Sometimes the best support is a small, tangible reminder that someone isn't alone. Our encouragement gifts are made for exactly that, a quiet way to say "I'm thinking of you" when words feel hard to find.